1 Corinthians 4:1-5
"... For I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not therefore acquitted..."
Who am I to proclaim assurance of my own eternal salvation? I, just another soul. The one that can not even be sure that I will not leave you tomorrow. I, the one, that has left you so many times in my so little past. I have no trust in my own flesh that I may not fail a day, an hour, or even a minute from now. Who am I to judge my own soul when I have no place in such a chair of honor.
I have a weakness so great to sin that I may and do fall short daily. It is only you, Jesus my God, my judge that knows with perfect knowledge and assurance where it is that I may dwell for eternity. I look to you for the grace necessary to accept that it is only through you that I may have eternal salvation. It is you oh lord that provides the grace necessary, that I may carry my cross daily. Will you please help me accept that grace for I have no assurance in myself. It is you oh Lord that is always there for me yet it is I that does not always accept your call. What assurance do I hold, except for your continued love for my soul?
Will I always accept your love? Will I fall short of what is expected of me which is just to accept you in my daily life by following your whole revelation? I do not know, I do not know. I do not pretend to know what is not meant for me to be known. I trust, I have hope and am confident but have no assurance. What grace it is to have to trust in you so blindly. To have faith in you and not be able to see you, what a blessing. I believe in you and accept you without having complete assurance of where you may eternally pronounce as my home. Oh how I fear and tremble at the thought of losing you, as is fitting for a person so deeply in love with another. You oh Lord I love blindly, and yet so confidently.
You oh Lord will save if I obey, will save if only I obey, will save if only, if only, I may obey. My faith alone just not enough, oh just so not enough. How easy it would be, how tempting it is but you oh Lord know best. You alone, your grace alone, but no, oh no, not just my faith alone. To be justified oh Lord, to commune with you, my love for you must be known. My cross must be carried like you oh Lord, my Lord, have carried your own. My cross, your cross, your cross, my cross. One in your body, if only I continue to commune with you. May I not be cut off as easy as a branch may be cut off from its vine.
Just as through one person I was made a sinner, may I accept you daily oh Lord, that I may be made worthy of you, by only you, my Lord. May my faith in you oh Lord, come alive through my love for you and for those around me. May I not have a loveless faith, least it be dead. May you oh Lord, grant me grace to make my faith in you a working faith, a faith that is not in vain. How is it that I may know that I will accept this grace? I do not know. I do not know. I do though know that I now pray that I may accept your grace daily, now and forever. Such prayer brings me hope, such prayer brings me comfort. Hope, comfort and confidence such a prayer brings to me, but no, no, not the assurance only God may poses. May I not detour from your narrow road for the broader road which always brings temptation. My temptation strong oh Lord, but no match for your Love.
My Lord, to you, oh Lord, I look to you. Oh Lord, may I be gifted the grace to follow you. Your will, oh Lord, I wish to be mine. I oh Lord, may I follow you, My Lord!
May I remain in you oh Lord!
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